Kachime No Nai
by Rose Thorne
Summary: Hiei accidentally loses control and kills Kuwabara when the Fool insults him. Yukina is devastated and wants him dead. YAOI. Plagiarism of this or any other of my fanfics will not be tolerated.
1. Chapter One

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 1

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

"And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
-_Iris,_ Goo Goo Dolls

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Chapter 1: Accidents Happen  
**Kurama**  
I glance up from the book I'm reading. We are at Genkai's. We just finished another mission, and now we're relaxing for a bit before returning to our normal - sort of - lives. Yuusuke is playing solitaire with a deck of cards and Hiei is dozing on the windowsill. The only reason he's here is because it's raining and I'm here. Otherwise, he'd be sleeping in a tree somewhere or at my apartment...doing other things, instead of hanging out at Genkai's.

He avoids this place like the plague. Not because he dislikes being here though. His sister stays here, but she doesn't know that he's her brother. And he doesn't want her to know. He's afraid that she'll figure it out if he stays around her too much. Instead, he tries to avoid her.

Kuwabara suddenly bursts into the room, yelling loudly and incoherently, obviously drunk. Hiei stirs and jumps off the windowsill. He moves across the room until he's as far away from Kuwabara as possible without knocking out a wall. Then he settles on another windowsill and closes his eyes, intent on ignoring the rambling drunk. I smile, amused by my lover's actions.

The orange-haired boy sways unsteadily on his feet, then pulls some cans of beer from his pockets and chucks one at me, one at Yuusuke, and one at Hiei.

"Look out, Hiei!" I yell as the can heads toward him. At the sound of my voice he opens his eyes. Only his fast reflexes prevent him from getting a nasty bump on the head. The Jaganshi brings his katana up with lightning speed and cuts the can in half, spraying beer everywhere.

Unfortunately, one of the shards of metal grazes his cheek, leaving a deep, jagged cut. The fire demon puts a hand to the wound, wincing as some of the alcohol gets in it. Then he glares at Kuwabara.

Kuwabara mourns over the spilt liquor. "Awww!! Ya _wast'd_ it! Perf'ctly good beer too..."

Hiei growls and resheaths his katana, obviously considering Kuwabara too low a life-form bother himself with killing. "I _hate_ ningens!!"

The drunken Kuwabara giggles, then hiccups. "Well, I hate ya too," he slurs. He grins stupidly. "I bet ev'n yer own moth'r hat'd ya!!"

Yuusuke and I jump up immediately, knowing what Hiei's reaction is going to be. Too late. Hiei's katana impales Kuwabara's chest.

The fire demon pulls his sword out and backs away slowly with a shocked expression on his face. He obviously hadn't meant to do that. The katana drops from his hand as Kuwabara slowly crumples to the floor. Hiei looks at his hands in horror and disappears.

Yuusuke runs to Kuwabara and feels for a pulse. After a moment, he looks up at me with a shocked expression on his face. "He...he's _dead..._" I just stand there, frozen in place. Hiei's going to be in _big_ trouble...

Suddenly, I hear the door creak. I glance toward the door and see Yukina peeking in. She is looking at Kuwabara's body in horror. Her gaze shifts and she looks directly at Hiei's katana. A look of rage passes over her face and she disappears. Oh, shit! She's going after Hiei, I know. I jump out of the window and run after Hiei, changing into my youko form as I run. With the look that I saw on Yukina's face, she won't hesitate to kill him, and Hiei won't defend himself because she's his sister. He'd be afraid that he'd hurt her. I can't let him die!!

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Hiyaz!! Time for yet another depressing fanfic written by moi. This one is about Hiei doing something to make Yukina hate him. It's really sad!! "Kachime no nai" means hopeless, so you kinda get the point. For all of you who don't like depressing fics, I suggest, on the interviews page, the interview with Hiei and Kurama. But read this fic first. Keep a box of tissues around. Enjoy (as much as you can a depressing fic)!

Big problems. Why do I always pick on poor Hiei-san? I don't know... *sigh* Me and my sadistic nature...And this story is just going to get more complicated. Kachime no nai means hopeless. And it fits this story.


	2. Chapter Two

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 2

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

"I can't live  
If living is without you  
I can't live  
I can't give anymore  
-_Without You,_ Mariah Carey

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Chapter 2: Death of a Loved One  
**Yukina**  
Kazuma-san went to tell everyone the wonderful news. We're going to get married!! I just wish that my brother were here to come to the wedding. I wonder if he would approve of my choice in a husband...I hope he would. I mean, Kazuma-san may be just a ningen, but he's very kind and I know that he would make a wonderful mate.

I especially hope that Hiei-san approves. I have come to hope that my brother is just like him. I know that he doesn't like Kazuma-san and thinks that he is an idiot, but I hope that he'll approve. Hiei-san has always been kind to me, and I think that he'll approve if he knows that I will be happy. I hope he will be happy for me. In fact, since I don't have any family here, I want to ask him to give me away at my wedding. I'd prefer my brother to do it, but since I haven't found him yet, and I like to wish that Hiei _were_ my brother, I'll ask him to do it. I hope he accepts.

Kazuma-san has been gone for a long time. I'll go see what everyone's reaction was. I am almost at the room when I hear the clatter of something heavy falling to the floor. The door is slightly open so I peek in without knocking. I am shocked to see Kazuma-san laying on the floor. There is blood on his chest!! Yuusuke-san is kneeling beside him. He looks up at Kurama-san. "He...he's _dead..._"

I just stand there in shock for a moment. Kazuma-san dead? It can't be! We were going to get married and share a happy life together! Is that all gone now? Then I see Hiei-san's katana on the floor. It is covered with blood. _My itooshi's blood!_ My eyes narrow in fury. Hiei killed my fiance!! And I was naive enough to trust him, to love him as if he really were my brother. I should have listened to my Koorime friends and relatives. Fire demons should _never_ be trusted. They are bloodthirsty and will kill anyone, even someone who considered them a friend, once they don't need them anymore.

I run outside and go after the horrible little fire demon who killed my itooshi, easily following his footprints in the mud. I find him sitting in a tree.

He jumps down as I approach. "Yukina?" he says in surprise. "What-"

"How could you?!" I yell angrily, cutting him off. "You _killed_ my fiance!!"

Hiei looks shocked. "Y-your _fiance..?_" He backs up a step as I move closer. "G-gomen nasa-" He breaks off and sprawls in the mud as my fist connects with his jaw. The evil little youkai looks up at me with a strange expression on his face, rubbing the bruise on his face as if he can't believe that I hit him. "Yukina..." he says softly, with hurt in his voice.

I'm the one who should be hurting, not him! He killed my itooshi! I lose my temper. "I _hate_ you!!" I kick him in the side, again and again. He doesn't fight back or even try to dodge any of the blows. "You're the worst person I've _ever_ met!!" I aim a kick at his head. He doesn't even try to block it or move out of the way of it. He just accepts it, then slumps in the mud, unconscious. Blood runs down his face with the rain. It's not enough. He must die for what he did to Kazuma-san! I gather my ki to blast him with cold air. A fitting death for a cold-hearted fire demon, to freeze to death.

Kurama-san suddenly jumps in front of my target. "No, Yukina! Don't!" he yells at me.

I narrow my eyes at the youko that I consider my friend. Why is he protecting this _murderer?!_ "He _killed_ Kazuma-san! He _deserves_ to die!!"

Silver hair turns red as Kurama-san switches back to his human form. He gently picks Hiei up and holds him in his arms. "I won't let you hurt him any more!"

I tremble with fury. But I can't kill Kurama-san. He wasn't the one who killed Kazuma-san, and he's only protecting Hiei because he cares about him. Although how anyone could care for that lying, cold-blooded killer is beyond me. I _used_ to care about him, but that was before he showed his true, evil nature to me by killing my itooshi. "Fine!!" I scream at the redhead. "If I _ever_ see him again, I'll kill him!! And not even _you_ will be able to stop me!!"

The half-youko looks at me with sorrow in his huge green eyes. "Then you won't see me either." Kurama-san changes back into his youko form and leaves. Good riddance. He'll find out soon enough the Hiei isn't good at all. The fire demon will probably kill Kurama-san's human mother. _Then_ Kurama-san will agree with me.

I was so pleased and excited when Kazuma-san asked me to marry him. Now he's gone, and I'll never be with him. I wish my brother were here...

At one time, I wished that my brother would be just like Hiei. Now I hope that he's not. I hate Hiei. And, if it's the last thing I do, I'll kill him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gomen nasai Hiei-san!! I couldn't help it!! 

Do you _know_ how hard it was to write this chapter?! The thought of anyone actually _liking_ Kuwabara makes me really sick. So I just thought about Kurama. I had to go back and make a lot of corrections...

Anyhoo...on with the fic!!


	3. Chapter Three

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 3

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

"You've got a friend in me  
You've got a friend in me  
You've got troubles, and I've got 'em too  
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you  
We stick together and see it through  
'Cause you've got a friend in me  
You've go a friend in me  
-_You've Got a Friend in Me,_ Randy Newman

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Chapter 3: Tears  
**Kurama**  
I hurry to my apartment with Hiei in my arms. He is unconscious. Yukina really did a number on him. I can't believe she tried to kill him. She often said that she wished that her brother, when she found him, would be just like Hiei. She doesn't know that he really _is_ her brother. And, after this, she's not likely to find out.

Finally, I get to my apartment and lay Hiei on the bed. I carefully remove his cloak and soaked clothes, along with his boots. Then I check him for injuries. The first thing to catch my eye is the huge greenish-purple bruise on his side. I probe the area gently and find a broken rib. I tightly wrap bandages around his chest, holding the rib in place. He also has the cut on his cheek from the beer can, and another near his temple, probably from Yukina. I carefully clean and bandage the wounds.

Then I put him in some dry clothes and cover him with a blanket. I change from my own soaked clothes to dry ones and towel dry my hair. Then I crawl under the blankets to curl around my lover. Eventually, I fall asleep.

* * *

I awake as the body next to me stirs. I put my arms around my fire demon and pull him close, nuzzling his cheek lovingly. "Hiei? Are you okay?"

"Hn..." The fire demon pulls away from me. Frowning, I move closer to him and hug him. He shoves me away irritably. "Don't touch me." His voice holds no emotion. He's closing himself off again...

Persistently, I hug him again. He growls his `Do-you-want-to-die?' growl. I am startled. Hiei hasn't done that since before we became lovers. "Don't growl at me! I'm on your side!"

My lover pulls away and gets out of the bed. "Why did you bring me here?" Still no emotion. Nothing in his voice, his face, or his beautiful ruby-red eyes to show the hurt and sorrow that I know must be there.

Hiei will get pissed if I beat around the bush. And he's upset enough as it is. I sigh. "Because Yukina was going to kill you."

I flinch at his next words. "So what." Finally, he shows emotion. Bitterness. He turns away and whispers, "Why didn't you just let her kill me? Everyone would be happier then. The Koorime, Yukina...Hell, even Kuwabara would have-"

At that point I grab him and pull him back onto the bed. Hiei struggles, so I roll on top of him and straddle him, holding his arms at his sides. He tries to squirms away, to no avail. I lean close to my lover's face, forcing him to make eye contact. "Why didn't I let her kill you?!" My voice cracks with emotion. "Because I love you, Hiei," I whisper tenderly. Then I lean down and kiss him passionately. After a few seconds, he relaxes, and I pull away, breaking the kiss. "You _know_ that, Hiei. Don't push me away." Tears spill down my cheeks as I release him.

The fire demon just lies there for a moment, then closes his eyes. A single black tear gem falls to the mattress. I gather him in my arms and hold him close. "Why did I do that? Now she _hates_ me..." he says after a while.

I pull him closer. "Kuwabara was stupid to say something like that...drunk or not." The ningen hadn't known Hiei's past. He was a bit smarter than Hiei gave him credit for and knew that if he happened to say something that _did_ have a connection to Hiei's past, it would be dangerous for him. So he usually steered clear of insults like that, sticking with things that insulted Hiei's height or just the fact that he was a youkai.

Hiei speaks again, so softly that I can barely hear him. "How could I have known..?" He trails off.

My curiosity is stirred. "Known what?" I ask. What did Yukina say to him?

He flinches and is silent for a while. I start to think that he might not answer when he finally speaks. "Kuwabara asked Yukina to marry him. She accepted. That's what he came to tell us...and that's why he was so drunk...It's also why she hates me..."

I stare at my lover in shock. "Great Inari-sama! This is getting complicated..." I run my fingers through Hiei's hair thoughtfully. Then I get an idea. "You have to tell her who you are."

The little youkai cringes at the thought. "She wouldn't believe me...And even _if_ she accepted me, I'd know it was only because I'm her brother..." Another tear gem falls to the blanket. "...Deep down...she'd still hate me..."

I kiss the top of his head. "I'm sorry, Hiei. I don't know what to do."

"I messed up," he says bitterly. "It's not your problem. I always screw things up..."

I nuzzle him, trying unsuccessfully to comfort him. "It's not your fault. It was an accident. And you _don't_ always screw things up." He doesn't respond. "It _is_ my problem because you're hurting. And that hurts me." He flinches. "You really should tell Yukina..."

He is silent for a moment. "After what I did...she'd just reject me...and..." He trails off. But I know what he is thinking. He can't stand another rejection. He's dealt with too many of them already...

I kiss him gently. "I'm here for you. I'll never leave you..." My fire demon relaxes against my chest. I run my fingers through his hair comfortingly. His breathing slows as he drifts off into an uneasy slumber. I continue to hold him for the rest of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so mean to poor Hiei-san...Oh, well. Makes for a good story. Be warned, I know _exactly_ where this story is leading...Be afraid...Be very afraid!!

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	4. Chapter Four

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 4

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

"Spend all your time waiting for that second chance.  
For a break that would make it okay.  
There's always some reason to feel not good enough.  
And it's hard at the end of the day."  
-_Angel,_ Sarah McLachlan

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Chapter 4: Regret  
**Hiei**  
I awake to see Kurama's beautiful green eyes. He smiles at me. "Morning."

"Hn." The fox gets an evil look in his eyes. Then, before I can react, he rolls on top of me and straddles my hips. His knee hits a tender spot on my side, and I wince as pain shoots through it. The rib that Yukina broke shifted.

Kurama immediately gets off of me. "Gomen nasai, Hiei. Are you okay?" I nod painfully. "Here...Let me take a look." He pulls off my shirt and takes off the bandages, then probes the area around the broken rib gently with his fingers. I flinch as pain flares in my side, then look at the injury. The only outward sign of it is an ugly greenish-purple bruise on my side. Kurama smiles at me and rewraps the injury. I shudder, remembering the look of pure hatred on Yukina's face when she attacked me.

Kurama looks at me with concern. I look away. He pulls me too him, and I rest my head against his chest, listening to the steady, rhythmic drumming of his heart. I start to drift off again when Kurama sighs. "I need to go talk to Yuusuke." About me, he means. I've caused a lot of problems lately. But I don't say anything; I just nod. "Will you be okay?"

"Hn..." He looks at me and I realize that he's not going to leave until he gets a straight answer from me. I sigh disgustedly. Damn pushy kitsune! "I'll live."

He frowns at me. "Please stay here. Don't leave. I can't bear to lose you..." His beautiful green eyes plead with me. "Promise me you won't leave."

I nod shortly, looking into his eyes, wishing that I could lose myself in them. "I promise..." And I mean it too. I need him right now. I can't leave. Not now.

The fox smiles at me brilliantly. I love that smile. I need it so much. It always makes me feel better. After a few moments, he lets me go. "I'll be back in a little while. There's plenty of food in the refrigerator. Help yourself." I nod. Kurama frowns at me thoughtfully, then pulls me into his arms again and kisses me gently, running his fingers through my hair. Then he lets go of me and stands up. He looks at me with a small smile on his face. "Ai shiteru, Hiei." He leaves.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Kurama. I'd probably die without him. He's the only reason I have to live anymore. He's also the only reason Yukina didn't kill me.

Yukina...Now she'll never know that I'm her brother. She won't figure it out on her own. I couldn't tell her because of this stupid Jagan. None of this would have happened if she knew that I'm her brother. Kuwabara wouldn't have said that to me, and I wouldn't have killed him. And Yukina wouldn't hate me. I would have told her if I had known that this was going to happen. Fuck the Jagan.

Before I killed Kuwabara, she treated me almost as if I were her brother. Now...now she _hates_ me. And there's no changing that. She'll hate me until I die.

I can't believe that I lost control that badly. I didn't _want_ to kill the Fool. It just...happened. I lost control. And no matter what Kurama says, it _is_ my fault. _I_ lost control. _I_ killed Kuwabara. And _I_ hurt Yukina.

For the first time in a long time, I feel through our link to my twin. I feel her sorrow over Kuwabara's death...and her absolute hatred of me. I pull away quickly and build mental walls around the link. I can't bear to feel her hatred, but I know it's there. And it's directed toward me.

I feel cold...like the cold-hearted killer that she believes me to be. I wrap myself in a blanket, but that doesn't work, so I take a hot shower. As hot as the water can get. Not even that works. I redress, then wander into Kurama's kitchen. I'm not hungry, but I rummage through the cabinets anyway. Then I find Kurama's liquor cabinet...

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Uh, oh. Hiei...depressed...with access to alcohol... Interesting...


	5. Chapter Five

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 5

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

"I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay  
It's burning within me  
The fear of losing  
Of slipping away"  
-_Don't Wanna Lose You Now,_ Backstreet Boys

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Chapter 5: Problems  
**Kurama**  
I am reluctant to leave Hiei alone. It's obvious that he's depressed. And he needs someone to be there for him. But I need to talk to Yuusuke.

Yuusuke meets me at the gate to Genkai's yard. "I was wondering when you were going to come back."

I nod. "What happened after I left?" I need to know what Yukina said about Hiei.

The black-haired ningen leans against a tree. "Yukina came back. She said that she tried to kill Hiei, but you stopped her. She's pretty pissed at you. Her temper's almost as bad as Hiei's. But she was talking about how her and Kuwabara were going to get married." Yuusuke looks at me. "This is really screwed up. Talk about family problems."

I glare at him. "Shut up! This _isn't_ funny!"

"You're right; it's _not_ funny." Yuusuke sighs. "How's Hiei doing?"

Shaking my head, I look at him. "Not too good. He's closing himself off. I'm starting to think that he's going to leave."

"Damn!" Yuusuke curses, and plunges his fist into a tree. "I _know_ that Kuwabara was an idiot, but why did he have to say something _that_ stupid?!"

"He was drunk, Yuusuke. We all do things we regret. He just didn't really have a chance to regret it..."

Yuusuke starts walking toward the temple. I follow. We go into the room where Kuwabara met his death only yesterday. Kuwabara's body lay stretched out on a futon. Yukina kneels next to him,. Around her is a sea on tear gems. Yuusuke glances at me. "Yukina healed him." We leave the room silently. Yuusuke frowns. "I really wish Hiei hadn't killed him. Hurting him would have been fine...but _killing_ him..."

I look the ningen in the eye. "Yuusuke...If I had led his life, I would have ended up doing the same thing. So would you. So would anyone. He lost control." I pause to collect my thoughts, then continue. "Don't you think he regrets it too? But he can't change it."

Nodding, Yuusuke starts to pace. "I know." He stops and leans against the wall. "Koenma hasn't sent anyone, so I don't think he's going to."

I nod. Hiei wouldn't fight if he did. He would probably welcome it. Emperor Enma-sama probably thinks that making him live with his crime is enough punishment. He's right. "When is the funeral?"

Yuusuke sighs. "We don't know yet. I'll call you when Shizaru finds out." He looks at me. "I suppose you know that Hiei isn't welcome to come..." I flinch, and Yuusuke continues hastily. "Not because of me. Yukina doesn't want him there. She says she'll kill him."

"He probably won't want to come anyway." I sigh. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Yuusuke glances at me. "What should I tell Yukina?"

He wants to know if he should tell Yukina that Hiei is really her brother. "No. Don't tell her anything. Hiei doesn't want her to know."

Yuusuke sighs. "K'so! What the fuck are we going to do?! If he doesn't tell her, she won't stop hating him! She's already talking about sending _assassins_ after him!"

I gape at him. "_Nani?!_"

"You heard me. She wants him dead. She's not going to stop until he _is_ dead."

"Great Inari-sama..." I lean against the wall in shock. "This is just getting worse and worse." I look at Yuusuke. "He won't try to evade any assassins she throws at him. He doesn't care enough to do that."

"I'm sorry, Kurama. I'll get Shizaru to talk to her."

"Shizaru's here?"

Yuusuke nods. "She came last night. She was pretty upset." I take in a deep breath. Shizaru is one of the few ningens to have earned Hiei's respect. Her, Genkai, and, after seeing her beat the crap out of Yuusuke a few times, Keiko, not to mention me. If Shizaru hates him, he'll be devastated. Yuusuke continues. "I told her what happened and she understands."

I nod, relieved, and look at my watch. I've been gone for nearly two hours. "I'd better go. I'll talk to you later." I need to get back to Hiei. He needs me.

Yuusuke nods. "Tell Hiei that I don't blame him for what happened. And that Shizaru, Keiko, and Genkai don't either." I look at him questioningly. "They're a little upset, but not with him."

I leave and hurry back to my apartment. "Hiei?" I call out as I unlock the door and enter. "Where are you?" I see him laying on the floor in the kitchen and my blood runs cold. Did Yukina already act? I hurry to his side. There are three empty liquor bottles around him. The special Makai brew that I have been saving for the New Year. The extremely potent stuff. He found my liquor cabinet. And drank _all_ of that alcohol. He's going to be _really_ sick. I pull the small fire demon into my arms and shake him awake. "Hiei..? Why did you do this?"

The Jaganshi pulls away from me and stands up unsteadily. "Go 'way!"

I try to steady him as he almost falls, but he slaps my hands away. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Fine! I'm leavin'!" he snaps, growling. "I'm goin' t' th' M'kai!"

I grab his arm. "No, you're not. You won't last ten minutes with how drunk you are."

He shoves me away. "Why sh'd you c're?! You c'n 'lw'ys find 'nother lov'r aft'r I'm dead!" My eyes fill with tears. How could he even _think_ something like that? The tears fall down my cheeks. My lover falls to his knees. "You don' c're 'bout me! Nob'dy does!" An ebony tear gem falls to the floor. "Nob'dy ev'r has..."

I drop down beside the fire demon and hug him close. "I _do_ care about you! How could you think that I don't?!" There is no answer. I hold him as he sobs. He's never done this before. Never has he so completely lost control of his emotions. But I've never seen him this drunk before either. After a while, his shaking subsides, and he leans against me, breathing deeply. I pull away slightly and tear gems fall to the floor.

Moving slowly so as not to wake him, I carry Hiei into the bedroom and set him on the bed. Then I carefully pick up all of the tear gems and put them in my drawer. It's going to be a long night...

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Okay, so maybe I don't have to be so mean to poor Hiei-san. But I can't help it...


	6. Chapter Six

Kachime no Nai- Chpater 6

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 6: Hangover

"It was you who showed me I got a friend in you.  
I always knew that you'd be right here for me.  
And it was you who stuck with me when the skies weren't blue.  
And it was you who stayed by my side. It was you."  
-_It Was You,_ Ashley Ballard with So Plush

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiei  
I awake with an awful taste in my mouth. I open my eyes to see red. What the hell..? I bring a hand up to my face and find hair. Kurama's hair. I brush it away from my face. Kurama is lying on the bed beside me, sound asleep. I don't remember much of what happened last night, but I _do_ remember Kurama's tears.

What did I say to him? I honestly don't remember. I must have gotten pretty drunk. I don't remember very much after the second bottle of...whatever that stuff was.

Sighing, I sit up. That move proves to be a mistake as a headache hits me full-force. With an involuntary moan of pain, I collapse back to the bed and close my eyes against the suddenly painful light.

Kurama is immediately awake. He holds me gently. "Hiei..? Are you okay?"

Opening my eyes, I slowly focus on his face. He smiles at me. "What did I say to you?" My voice is weak.

The smile disappears. "What do you mean?"

"I remember that you were crying. I don't remember why."

"It...it was nothing." He won't meet my eyes.

I look at him. "_Liar._ What did I say to you?" I need to know.

The fox cringes. "You were drunk, Hiei. I know you didn't mean it..." He still won't look at me.

I sigh disgustedly. "What. Did. I. Say?" I demand.

He finally looks at me. "You...you said that I didn't love you. And that I would find someone else when you die." He hugs me. "But I know that you didn't mean it." I pull away from him and push myself off the bed. "Hiei, I know that you didn't mean it!" He jumps out after me and pulls me to him. "You were too drunk to know what you were saying." I refuse to look at him, but he gently pulls my face up. "No matter what you say, I still love you. You can't push me away."

I look away from his face. "Kurama...I...I'm sorry..." I whisper. "I didn't mean..."

He quiets me with a kiss. "I know. You don't have to tell me. I already know." I nod. He grins at me. "You probably have one hell of a hangover. Let me get breakfast started." He lets go of me and leaves the room.

I shake my head, staring after him. He always forgives me, no matter what I do to him. I wish it were the same way with Yukina...

Resolutely, I push away my worries. At least for the moment. I need to relax and find out what Yuusuke told Kurama.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Chapter Seven

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 7

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 7: The Funeral

"You live you learn  
You love you learn  
You cry you learn  
You lose you learn  
You bleed you learn  
You scream you learn"  
-_You Learn,_ Alanis Morissette

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuusuke  
About a week after Kuwabara's death, the funeral takes place. Genkai, Yukina, Koenma, Boton, Hinigeshi, and the Kazuma's all come. We told Kuwabara's parents that he was climbing a tree and he fell from it and landed on his head. It was a believable story, because Kuwabara sometimes did stupid stuff like that. We told them about Yukina, though. They are upset about their son's death, but happy that they gained a daughter. At least, they treat her like a daughter.

Yukina is still upset though. She cries most of the time. Fortunately, Shizaru managed to convince her not to send assassins after Hiei. I was there when she talked to the Koorime...

* * *

Flashback

* * *

"_She can't do that!!_" Shizaru exclaims in horror. "It was an _accident!_ I _know_ Hiei didn't mean to kill my brother!" I am telling her about Yukina's plan to send assassins after Hiei.

"She's going to do it unless someone stops her. And she won't even talk to me."

Shizaru sighs. "Alright. I'll talk to her." She looks up at me. "But _you're_ coming with me." I shrug. At least she's agreeing to help.

We go to Yukina's room, and Shizaru knocks on the door. After a few moments, the little Koorime opens the door. "What is it?"

Shizaru glances briefly in my direction, then speaks. "We need to talk to you, Yukina-chan."

"Fine." The Koorime lets us into her room. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Yukina-chan..." Shizaru pauses. "I hear that you plan to send assassins after Hiei."

The Koorime nods. "Yes. You must be happy about that. Want to help? Kazuma-san was _your_ brother, after all. I'm sure you'd like to see that horrible murderer dead as much as I would."

Shizaru's mouth drops in shock. I tried to warn her. She recovers quickly and looks Yukina in the eye. "No, I'm not. Kuwabara-san's death was an accident. Hiei-"

Yukina interrupts angrily. "No it wasn't! Hiei _killed_ him! _That's_ no accident! He _deserves_ to die!"

Shizaru grabs Yukina by the shoulders. "No, he doesn't! You have _no_ idea what you're saying!"

I touch Shizaru's shoulder and she glances at me. I shake my head. She reluctantly releases Yukina. The Koorime speaks angrily. "I don't care _what_ you say! I'm going to make sure he pays for killing Kazuma-san!"

Shizaru gives me an apologetic look. Then she turns to Yukina. "Don't stoop to that level, Yukina-chan." I look at her in shock. Then I realize that the look meant to disregard everything that she says. "Don't be like him."

Yukina sighs. "You're right. Let him be a bastard. He'll eventually get what's coming to him." She leaves the room.

Shizaru deflates. "I can't believe I said that."

I put a hand on her shoulder. "It was the only way to stop her. Don't worry about it." She nods.

* * *

End Flashback

* * *

Sighing, I push away bad memories. Shizaru was rather upset about what she said, even though she didn't mean it.

Kurama comes to the funeral, but he's only staying for a little while. He says that he needs to get back to Hiei. He's the _only_ reason that Hiei hasn't left already.

The half-youko told me and Shizaru about his relationship with Hiei soon after Kuwabara's death. I was surprised and disgusted at first, but after I thought about it for a while, I realized that it should have been obvious. Kurama's always helped Hiei, taking care of him when he's hurt, or protecting him when he's helpless, after he uses the kokuryhurra. I should have figured it out a long time ago.

Shizaru had just smiled and said that she had realized that a while back, and thought that they made a `cute couple.' Kurama had looked rather surprised and asked he how she had figured it out. She told him that he and Hiei spent a lot of time together, and that he was the only one, besides Yukina, that Hiei would put up with.

The funeral is open casket. I don't bother going up to the casket. I've seen enough dead people to know what Kuwabara will look like.

Kurama, however, has no qualms about going up. He walks up and puts two roses in the casket, one red, one black. Yukina goes up after him and stands in front of the casket for a while, looking inside at the empty shell that used to be Kuwabara. Then, to everyone's surprise, she takes off her Koorime tear-gem necklace, and carefully puts it in the casket. Shizaru goes up briefly, then walks to me and pulls out a cigarette, her hands shaking slightly as she lights it. Keiko goes up, but soon hurries back to me. Kuwabara's mother stands in front of the casket, crying into her husband's chest for about ten minutes. Finally they leave the casket.

Suddenly, I feel Hiei's youki in the area. Kurama feels it too and looks around with horror written on his face. Yukina hisses slightly and looks around for the fire demon with hatred in her eyes. A blur of black races past Kuwabara's casket. Moments later, Hiei's youki is gone.

I hurry up to the casket and peer reluctantly inside. There, in Kuwabara's hands is Hiei's most prized possession. His katana.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll be nicer to Hiei-san. Promise. *fingers cross behind back* Okay, okay, so maybe I'm lying through my teeth. I can't _help_ it! On with the fic!


	8. Chapter Eight

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 8

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 8: Depression

"'Cause it's easy not to  
So much easier not to  
And what goes around never comes around to you"  
-_Wake Up,_ Alanis Morissette

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiei  
Kurama is upset with me for showing up at the funeral. He says that Yukina hates me even more now. He got even more upset when I told him that I didn't care. I _don't._ She has a perfect right to hate me. _I_ killed Kuwabara.

Kurama bugs me to stop blaming myself. But it's my fault. I have no one else to blame. I _am_ the one to blame.

It only takes a few weeks for Koenma to decide that we needed to train for fights without Kuwabara. That means that I have to go to Genkai's. And face Yukina's hatred. According to Kurama, Shizaru convinced her not to try to kill me. I almost wish she hadn't. Yukina used to treat me kindly. She won't anymore. I _know_ that.

Kurama and I go to Genkai's. I avoid Yukina as much as possible. When I have to be around her, she snubs me, not even acknoledging my presence. I don't bother eating with everyone else. I kill a rabbit and eat that.

I stay as far away from the temple as possible. Kurama stays with me as much as he can. I spend my time sharpening the new katana that Genkai gave me. I didn't want it, but she made me take it.

Around mid-day, I sense Yukina's ki. It's heading toward me. I sheath the katana and start to leave. Then she calls out to me.

"Hiei-san," she calls. I am surprised. She actually used an endearment with my name. I wait. "I need to speak to you."

I turn around and look at her, staying three feet away from her. "What is it, Yukina-san?"

"Hiei-san...I want to apologize." I stare at her in shock. _Apologize?_ "I lost my temper. I shouldn't have hurt you."

I look away from her. "You have a right to hate me. I killed Kuwabara." Glancing at her, I continue. "I lost control."

She nods. "I understand." She smiles at me, a smile that hasn't been directed at me in weeks. "I hope you can forgive me."

"_I'm_ the one who should be asking for forgiveness, Yukina-san."

"I _do_ forgive you," she says.

I feel as if a huge weight is lifted from my heart. "A-arigato, Yukina-san," I say looking at the ground.

She moves closer. My instincts scream at me to back away, but I know she won't hurt me. She forgave me. She stops less than a foot from me. "I do forgive you," she says again. I am confused. Why is she repeating herself. She lunges at me. "As long as you _die!_"

I am too startled to move. She slashes at my face with the dagger that has suddenly appeared in her hand. At my forehead. Pain clouds my senses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oops...I did it again...Gomen!


	9. Chapter Nine

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 9

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 9: Tears of a Lover

"How will I survive tomorrow without you here?  
Whose heart will guide me when all the answers disappear?  
Is it too late? Are you too far gone to stay?  
Best friends forever should never have to go away.  
What will I do? You know I'm only half without you.  
How will I make it through?  
If only tears could bring you back to me.  
If only love could find a way."  
-_If Only Tears Could Bring You Back,_ Midnight Sons

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kurama  
I walk in the direction of Hiei's ki. He's been awfully depressed since we got here. Yukina snubs him anytime he's forced to be near her. So he doesn't eat or sleep with us. The only times he comes near the temple is when we're practicing. I'm afraid of what might happen on this mission. Or should I say, what he might do...

As I get closer, I sense Yukina's ki as well, very close to Hiei's. What the hell..? I start to run. Why is she near him? I stop about ten meters from them. Neither of them see me.

"I do forgive you," I hear Yukina say. She moves closer to him. He looks confused, but stays where he is. "As long as you _die!_" She lunges at him, and slashs with the dagger in her hand.

Hitting his Jagan.

I run to my lover and catch him as he cries out in pain and falls. Gently, I lower him to the ground. "Hiei!" Black blood runs from the ruined Jagan.

The fire demon shudders in my arms. "Kurama..?"

"I'm here, Hiei." I pull off my tunic and wrap it around his forehead, trying to stop the bleeding. But he's dying. I can feel his youki and lifeforce being drained through his destroyed Jagan. I look up at Yukina.

The Koorime throws the dagger to the ground. "I hear that destroying someone's Jagan gives tham a painful death," she sneers. "Good. You certainly deserve one." She looks away. "I just hope my brother will understand why I did this and forgive me."

Hiei gasps weakly in my arms. "I...do..." I look at him. He nods.

Yukina glares at him. "I wasn't talking to _you!_"

I clear my throat. "Yukina-san...you were." She directs her glare at me. I ignore it. "He _is_ your brother."

She growls angrily. "I know that I don't have such a horrible brother!"

Hiei looks at me. "I...told you...she'd reject me..." A black tear gem falls to the ground."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uh, oh...I killed him...and emotionally abused him..._again_

BTW-I got the idea for black blood from _Broken Masks_ by Kat Abuchan. Arigato!!


	10. Chapter Ten

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 10

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 10: Brother of Mine

"Brother my brother  
Tell me, what're we fighting for?  
Isn't life worth so much more?  
We should love one another.  
Oh, can't we just pretend,  
This war never began?  
Tell me, why?  
Brother my brother  
We can try,  
Brother my brother"  
-_Brother My Brother,_ Blessid Union Of Souls

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yukina  
How _dare_ Kurama-san imply that that _monster_ is my _brother._ "I know that I don't have such a horrible brother!" I glare at Kurama-san angrily.

Hiei looks at Kurama-san. "I...told you...she'd reject me..."

Something falls to the ground. I look closer. It's a Koorime tear gem. "Oh, gods!" I fall to my knees. I've killed my _own_ brother!

Kurama-san pulls my brother close. "Hiei..." he whispers, tears falling down his cheeks. "Don't die! Please! I love you..." Could it be? Kurama and my brother..?

Hiei-san gasps weakly. "I'm sorry..."

I start to cry. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

He turns his head to look at me. His red eyes are unfocused. "Didn't...want to...disappoint you..." Another tear gem fall to the ground.

"No!" I cry. How can I tell him that I'm not disappointed? I just ensured his death. Moments ago, I hated him. If only I had known...

Hiei-san shivers. "Cold..."

Kurama-san pulls him closer, enfolding him in a hug. "Hiei...Don't leave me..."

I move closer. I _have_ to heal him! Kurama-san looks at me with wild eyes. "Don't touch him!"

"Please," I whisper. My tears fall to clink against Hiei-san's. "Let me help."

Kurama-san looks at me, hope shining through his sorrow, and lets me come closer. "Can you help him?"

"I hope so." I place a hand on the shirt covering the mortal wound that _I_ gave him. I apply my healing powers.

Hiei-san sags in Kurama-san's arms, but continues breathing weakly. He's only unconscious, not dead. Kurama carefully removes the shirt from around my brother's head. The Jagan is healed. There is no sign that it was ever injured.

Kurama-san sighs in relief. "Thank Inari-sama!" He gently dabs the black blood from Hiei-san's face. Then he lifts my brother into his arms and walks toward the temple. I follow him, hanging my head in shame. I almost killed my own brother.

Yuusuke-san runs toward Kurama-san when he sees him carrying Hiei-san. "What _happened?!_"

"Nothing," Kurama-san says softly. He goes into the temple and sets Hiei-san down on a futon. Yuusuke-san follows us. "He's pretty badly injured."

Yuusuke-san sees me and glares at me. "What did you _do_ to him?!"

I look away. "I destroyed his Jagan."

"_Nani?!_" He checks Hiei-san's forehead. "No, you didn't! What the fuck are you talking about?!"

Kurama-san talks for me. "She healed it."

Yuusuke-san sighs disgustedly and sits down. "Maybe you'd better explain it from the beginning..."

Kurama-san glances at me. "I'll tell him, Yukina-san." I nod. "He told her."

"_Finally!_ If he'd done that in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess!" Yuusuke-san knew too? Who knew? I ask. Yuusuke-san looks at me. "Everyone except Kuwabara and you. Hiei killed Kuwabara after he said something that he shouldn't have."

"What did Kazuma-san say to Hiei-san? I don't know anything that could have made him lose control that badly."

Kurama-san sighs. "He told him that he thought that Hiei's mother hated him." He glances at Hiei-san's unconscious body. "I think that's what Hiei truly believes."

"But that's _not_ true!" I cry. "Okaasan talked about how she loved him all the time! She wanted to leave the city to find him, but she was watched and couldn't!"

Kurama-san looks me in the eye. "You tell him that. He doesn't believe it."

"I will when he wakes up."

* * *

It ends up taking three days for Hiei-san to wake up. When he finally does wake up, Kurama-san immediately hugs him close. The kitsune told me what Hiei-san means to him. I'm so glad my brother has someone to love him.

When Hiei-san sees me, something akin to fear passes over his face before he hides his emotions. I speak immediately. "Oniisan..." He flinches as I say the word. I move closer, and sit down next to the futon. "Gomen nasai." I move my hand to touch his cheek.

He is across the room before I can blink. "Don't touch me!"

Tears fill my eyes. "Hiei-san..." I move toward him. Please don't hate me.

The fire demon moves away again. Kurama-san grabs him. "Hiei! She saved your life!"

"She would've let me die if I hadn't told her who I was!" he yells.

"Gomen, Hiei-san. I was wrong to do that." A few tears escape and fall to the floor.

"Hn," he sniffs and disappears.

"Gomen, Yukina-san. He's upset. I'll talk to him."

I nod weakly. Hiei-san doesn't trust me. And I don't blame him. I almost killed him.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Kachime no Nai- Chapter 11

Kachime no Nai  
A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ fanfic  
By Ibara Bara

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. Please don't assume that they are or I'll end up getting sued. They belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Perroit, and any other person who helped in the creation of this wonderful series. Thank you for giving me my Hiei-san!! 

Chapter 11: Anger and Forgiveness

"And we stare each other down  
like victims in the grind  
Probing all the weakness  
and hurt still left behind and we cry  
The tears of pearls"  
-_Tears of Pearls,_ Savage Garden

****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiei  
Yukina tried to kill me. The only reason I'm still alive is because I told her that I was her brother. Otherwise I'd be dead. I was right. The only reason she cares about me is because she feels obligated.

Kurama followed me when I left. He is trying to convince me to go back. Like hell.

"Hiei, you remember how you felt when she hated you. Don't you think she's going through the same thing? Can't you forgive her?"

"I don't care." Why should I care about anyone? No one's ever cared for me.

Kurama grabs me by the shoulders. "Don't talk like that! I know you care! You can't hide that from me!"

I wrench from his grip. "Why _should_ I care?! She hated me until I told her!" I start to walk away.

"Hiei! At least come back to the temple!"

"I'm not going anywhere near there!" I snarl. "The _only_ reason I'm here is because I have to be! Otherwise I get sent to a Reikai prison until doomsday."

"Please? For me?"

"Leave me alone, fox!" I leave him behind as I run. I don't need anyone.

I settle in a tree on the other side of the temple and hide my ki. I don't want anyone to come near me.

After a while I fall into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Hours later, I awake to see Yukina standing right in front of me, so close that I can't run. "What do you want?!" I snarl at her.

She doesn't back down. In fact, she moves closer. I flatten myself against the tree trunk. "Oniisan..."

"Get away from me!"

She doesn't obey me. "I love you, oniisan," she whispers and enfolds me in a hug. I struggle, but she won't let go of me. Finally, I surrender and allow her to touch me. "I'm so sorry! I don't blame you if you hate me..." She lets go of me and turns away. "I just want you to know that I love you." Evidently, she thinks that I'll be gone when she turns back around. I stay where I am. After a few minutes, she turns back around and gasps.

I look at her. "I _don't_ hate you."

Tears fill her eyes. "But...I tried to kill you!"

I look away. "It's nothing new. People have tried to kill me since I was born."

She steps closer and hugs me again. I let her, but don't return the embrace. "Okaasan _does_ love you. She tried to escape hundreds of times to go find you, but she was always caught." I gasp and pull away from Yukina. "It's true!" she says. Tear gems fall to the ground. Hers and mine. Yukina hugs me again, and this time, I hug her back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, this is the end. I keep doing this to you, leaving off at a scene like this, but anything else I could say would sound _really_ corny. I did this in _Fruitcake_ too. Gomen nasai!

BTW- in case you were wondering...this fic was hopeless for Kuwabara.

Thayet: Yeah. 'Cause he died and nobody cared!

Bara: But...but Yukina cared!!

Thayet: She doesn't anymore! She let his killer live!

Bara: Thayet...You're really annoying! You know that!

Thayet: Yup!!

Bara: Now these poor fans are all confused because of you!!

Thayet: So?

Bara: Anyway...ignore Thayet...

And everybody _but_ Kuwabara lives happily ever after!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

E-mail Bara-chan!! [Rose_Thorne@yyhmail.com ][1]

   [1]: http://mailto: Rose_Thorne@yyhmail.com/



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